"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
     —Eleanor Roosevelt

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This newsletter is sent to you by CoachBenita.. Copyright © 2008, Benita Stafford-Smith and CoachBenita. All rights reserved. Nothing in this newsletter may be reproduced or published without the written permission of the individual author and/or copyright owner.

The Coach Approach, April 2008

This month's theme: The Journey to Oman

Week One: The Journey to Oman Begins

How do you get from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada to Muscat, Oman in the Middle East?

Intention, Networks and Courage

I am a great believer in planning and in committing your dream and goals to paper. Even if you cannot concretely describe the goal, it is very important to begin. Two years ago I started to commit in writing my goals to work and travel internationally. I was not sure what that meant. I began to explore possibilities.

“I saw the angel in the marble and I chiseled until I set it free.”
     —Michelangelo

I began to chisel.

Step One - 2005
Self talk, one of my favorite exercises in making my dreams real to me.
Write my goal/dream 15 times per day for 30 days, in the present tense.
"I am working and travelling internationally."
This step helps me reinforce the intent and move to believing it is possible.

Step Two – 2006
Time for some concrete steps. A mini project: The International Federation for Professional Speakers would be holding a Global Summit in 2007 in Dubai, UAE.
(Note to self, research where is Dubai) What resources will I need to attend this conference and how will I ensure I have them in place?

Step Three – 2007
The power of networks! At home; make sure people know I am going to Dubai with the intent of working internationally. Expand my network, contact Canadians in my larger network of the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers and the International Federation for Professional Speakers.

Step Four – 2007
Set objectives for the conference and enjoy the experience.
One of the speakers, a futurist, at the conference said “Watch your future come back to you.” An interesting perspective and I was curious to see how this would unfold.

Months pass. I stay firm in my intent and continue exploring and dreaming.
November 2007, an email arrives from a friend. “Know anyone who is a coach and a speaker and would like to move to Oman?” It took a lot of courage but I made the phone call.

That’s how it began.

April 2008, I am on my way to Oman.

Set Intent
          Take Action
                    Then watch your future come back to you!

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Here are comments from a Coach Approach subscriber:

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Week Two: Monkeys of the Mind

Two weeks ago I returned from Toronto with a mission. Get rid of everything I own to move to Muscat, Oman. Shut down my office, my home, sell my business and transition my clients. A very tall order but doable.

I decide to give away all my possessions. And the list-making began. My mind went into overdrive. So much to do in such a short time.

Sleep eluded me. As soon as I would lie down to sleep, another item for my list would magically appear. I knew I would have to get up and write it down and then try to get to sleep again.

I was quickly becoming exhausted. I realized it was time to take stock. What was I doing? I could not continue at this pace. Back to the basics.

Step One: Breathe, breathe, and breathe. Long and deep.
As soon as I started paying attention to my breath I was aware that I had been breathing very quickly and very shallow for the last week. Was my body every happy to get all that revitalizing oxygen.

Step Two: Exercise, back to the yoga mat. A tiny bit of heaven right here on earth!

Step Three: Self Talk—change it. I had been running in circles saying “I’ll never get all this done it time”. Now that I had begun to stop running in circles I changed this to “I will get it all done with ease and with time to spare!” Oh, that feels so much better.

These three steps gave me a great gift. Now instead of just panicking and doing this by rote I started to appreciate the great life I had created in Winnipeg over the past ten years. A profound appreciation started to emerge. As the days progress the gratitude grows, each day a new realization of the gifts I have enjoyed here.

Thanks to my many friends and clients for the amazing opportunity to be a part of your lives and businesses! It is such an honor.

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Week Three: My Life In Two Suitcases

You’ve got to be kidding. Baggage limitation is two checked-in bags, 23kg, each. How do I put my life into two 23 kg bags? That was the provocative question for me this week.

Take a moment, breathe very deeply and have a look around you. Look around your home, your office, your cottage, your business, your garage, where ever you have stuff. How much stuff do you own? What would you take with you if you were in my shoes?

I have worked diligently at simplifying my life over the past ten years but still I had a lot of stuff . The feeling of freedom is wonderful as I begin my journey to the other side of the globe with just two suitcases. At times however, I look at my two suitcases and think that is even two much! (Especially as I lug them through airports—note to self, did you really need those books?)

Not only do we carry physical stuff, but I wonder what other stuff I am taking with me, emotional, mental and spiritual? How will it serve me or how will it limit me?

This week I invite you to contemplate your stuff. What stuff do you carry around with you? Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. How does it serve you? How does it hinder you?

Then put a plan in place to simplify your life, even just a wee bit, and enjoy the rewards of lightening your load!

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Week Four: Readers' Tips on How to Regain Sanity in Crazy Times

Benita (right, in white) with a co-worker, in Oman:

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From Evelyn:

It's a good thing you remembered the breathing. Without air, you ain't there. I try to do exactly just that and try to remember my promise of living for the moment and still find time to breathe. I so admire you giving away your possesions; I am thinking of doing that only on my death bed.

I liked your words MONKEYS OF THE MIND. If you take away the keys from the monkey, the word Monk appears. You are definitely getting close to the divine peace.

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From Kathleen:

I am responding to your last news letter where you asked for tips on regaining sanity in crazy times.

I have had lots of opportunities to test out strategies.

Crazy times come from everywhere, but I have discovered I create or contribute to a whole lot of them by my interpretation and over-controlling to decrease my discomfort with the unknown. Especially in business deals and my work which involves layers of organizations and interactions that quite frankly can exhaust me completely.

So, knowing that, I tell myself that I am the solution. A mental image of a mighty mediator comes to mind and I settle into that feeling of authority and neutrality. I get above it all. If I am the solution, I have to first stop being part of the problem and take an objective look. The step back neutralizes my role in the craziness which is usually all it takes to make it feel un-crazy again. It's a little humbling. Then I close my mouth, absorb, and only open my mouth as often as I image would a great and mighty mediator. The situation plays out as it should and then I have the satisfaction of observing, contributing only my part, and having 'solved' the problem.

So far, of the things I have tried, this sits best with me as a control freak, and works with business. I take responsibility and control over the solution by taking myself out of the control role (my choice) and into an objective mode. In the end, I take credit in my head as savior of the whole mess because of my superior objectivity. I stay in control of myself, I don't lose because I don't get on the battlefield—I just define my role in head in a way that over time has proven to be more useful to the situation.

A win and no one else has to be involved. It's all how I define it.
Ya, they have rubber rooms for this. But its fun.

I used to try the 12-step slogan of "how important is it?"—but it's ALL important. Let go and let God didn't work either (yet), but this does.
I am neutralized just as I imagine I would be if I were capable of digesting the concept of truly letting go.

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From Brigitte:

In crazy times I bake cookies with my kids. I know it sounds silly but it works! We make sugar cookie batter, cut it into funny shapes, eat a lot of raw dough and get covered in flour! We have to make icing also with a lot of sprinkles and food coloring it’s an off grey color by the time we ice the cookies! It takes most of the day and we have a tea party when the cookies are ready to eat! As we’re sitting there eating and drinking with our hands stained blue, I can’t remember what I was worrying about earlier that day!

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Week Five: Readers' Tips on "Lightening the Load"

From Dixie-Lee:

I continue to enjoy your newsletters.

[My new husband] and I just came back from Las Vegas where we were married on Tuesday, April 8. When you talk about carrying two suitcases, I thought of us lugging our carry-on bags plus one checked bag each and one bag for our "wedding clothes"! How I wished we had packed lighter—which is something we have both yet to learn, both when travelling and around our home. I call it a "work in progress"!

As far as travelling, I have learned a couple of tricks—take clothes that don't show the dirt and are made of light material so they can be washed out in the bathroom sink. If an article of clothing can't be worn with three pieces, don't take it (unless for a special occasion!) Take at least one pair of comfortable shoes and wear a pair of comfortable shoes—but don't back too many shoes as they take up too much room and are too heavy to carry! Also, take a warm sweater for evenings and for plays/theatres as they tend to keep the facilities too cool for my comfort!

May your travels be entertaining, safe and happy!

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From Araelia:

Best wishes to you on your journey. I am very excited for you.

Next week I am taking a 3 week trip I have waited my whole life to:
I'm driving 4200kms (one way!) to meet my biological Dad for the first time. I am 32 years old. It is very exciting, but I am on quite the budget. I will have to sleep in my car and bring a lot of my own food to save on expenses, but it is worth it.

I too have to think about what I bring. If I bring too much, I'll have no place to sleep. Yet I need to bring to be prepared. I can only imagine 2 suitcases to pack up a life. I want to bring all my fancy clothes, all my photo albums - all the "just in cases"...but I know its only what's needed.

I've lived out of suitcases before for a few months at a time and found it very liberating from all this stuff we accumulate. A lady I met awhile back had all of her belongings stolen in Mexico on a trip. I asked her how she survived and she said, "Better; I didn't have all this stuff to be concerned about. I got to experience Mexico more."

This physical stuff we accumulate is related to how much emotional luggage we have. Since meeting her I have lived simpler.

Wow! I am so proud of you, Benita! I must share too, that your words over the years have really helped me to keep a sane perspective. Especially the "Monkeys of the Mind" not too long ago. I almost cancelled my trip because of money and my husband said no, I need to go.

You also inspired me to keep writing. I am in the process of publishing my first book titled, Psychic Not Psychotic. It will be available this summer.

I'll think of you while I am seeing this vast country of ours. I'll drive about 10,000kms in the 3 weeks I am away but I know it is worth it.

Good luck to you Benita! I know you will touch the lives of others where ever you go.

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From Steve:

Funny, the first thing I thought of when you asked for stories of "lightening your load" was wondering when my oldest was going to move out of the house.   :)

I don't dare ask [my wife] for her opinion....

Hope you're off to a great start.

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