"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
     —Tao Te Ching

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This newsletter is sent to you byCoachBenita.. Copyright © 2007, Benita Stafford-Smith and CoachBenita. All rights reserved. Nothing in this newsletter may be reproduced or published without the written permission of the individual author and/or copyright owner.

The Coach Approach, October 2007

Week One: Living Out Loud

Living Out Loud—gratitude, inspiration and appearances.

“The more gratitude you teach your heart, the more it will fill with passion.” —Grace Cirocco, author of Take the Step, the Bridge Will Be There.

How do you teach your heart gratitude? I think we teach our hearts gratitude by practicing gratitude.

Here’s a very simple yet amazing exercise I use regularly:
At the end of each day, write down five things you are grateful for.

Developing this into a regular practice helps me to see the gifts I receive every day and there are lots of them, if only I will take the time to notice. As I begin to take note of the gifts I receive, my heart begins to fill with passion. I get very excited about what each day might bring and how these gifts will show up each day.

Another simple yet amazing exercise:
   Think of the last time you were filled with awe and wonder.
   Put yourself there again.
   Then take a moment to say thanks for the experience.

I have been blessed with many experiences of being filled with awe and wonder. The energy I receive during these times fills me with passion and gratitude. This is an easy and wonderful way to teach your heart gratitude and allow it to fill with passion.

Want to share your experience of being filled with awe and wonder?

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Week Two: Active Creation

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people creative their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing."— Michael E. Gerber, author of The E-Myth Revisited.

As I read this quote I had an immediate response. Yes, actively creating your life is the foundation for living fully. Waiting to see where life takes you next is very important also, not as a first step, but as the follow on to actively creating your life. Sounds like a paradox but I think it is imperative that we do both, actively create and then wait for it to be filled. In my life and career, once I have made choices I am often amazed by the opportunities that appear suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere. Often these opportunities are much greater and better orchestrated than I ever thought of.

When I started my business I set up three lines of business—coaching, speaking and writing. I started building the coaching lines of business first and anticipated leaving the writing last. One day an email simply appeared in my mail box saying I had been recommended as a contributing author for Expert Women Who Speak and would I be interested? WOW!

Has this ever happened to you – once you have taken charge and created your life then amazing solutions and options start to appear?

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Week Three: Appearances/ Worry

“Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but you don’t go anywhere.” —Anonymous

Often we worry about future events, the "what ifs."

What if I lose my job, my spouse, my vacation time? What if my partner changes his/her mind and decides to leave the business? What if we buy a new home and find we cannot meet the payments? What if the car breaks down and needs major repairs? What if I lose my passport while travelling? What if I become the victim of identity theft? What if I don’t get the promotion I want?

And many more, please feel free to add to this list. Here’s an exercise to try.

Try making a Disaster List. On the left side of the paper write down the worst things you can image happening. On the right side, write down what you would do if they came to pass. You may not have realized how many options you have.

When worse comes to worse, these tried but true adages help me put things in perspective:
- Don’t worry about life, you’re not going to survive it anyways.
- Things are not always what they appear.
- This too shall pass.
- I’m sure glad I worried about that; it really helped!

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Week Four: Nourish Yourself

Hallowe’en can been a very interesting celebration. Imagine you can be anybody you want and collect treats! Oh, if only life were that simple. Well, what if it were.

“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.” —Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Sounds too simple doesn’t it? Yet in many ways we know this to be true.
For example:

If you begin your day knowing it is going to be a bad day, you usually are right. Traffic will be awful, the drivers terrible. When you get to work most of your coworkers will appear grumpy and maybe even demanding. If you manage people your staff will be particularly difficult that day. If you work in customer service you can bet all the customers you get today will be miserable! It’s funny how life often gives us exactly what we ask for.

Two very rewarding habits to develop are: one, have a nourishing rising routine and two, have a nourishing retiring routine. Some recommended ways to do this are:

Begin and end each day in gratitude and appreciation.
Spend a little time in quiet reflection.
Contemplate/meditate/pray
Breathe fully and deeply for a few minutes
Let go of your worries
Think about your successes during the day
Think about/visualize those you love
Give yourself permission to love and be loved
Give up perfectionism

Sounds simple but it takes concentrated effort until you develop these two habits.

Remember each day you decide – will it be Trick or Treat? My vote is for Treat.

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Here's another story from a reader:

"I really enjoy receiving your life-coach advice.

I have a gentleman in my life with a wonderful attitude about life and its challenges. I wish I had known him when I was going through some difficult times with my son.

His motto in life is, "If there is a problem, there is a solution. If there is no solution, there is no problem." He lives faithfully by this and never stresses about anything. Now, when I begin to stress about something, I remember his motto, and it calms me right down."

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Want to get published? Share your stories? Please email me at stories@coachbenita.com and I will publish your stories!